It's Only Pain

soaked to the bone from rain
wasted, useless and drained
thoughts far from sane
it's only pain

don't shed a tear
don't give into the fear
soon, things will become clear
it's only pain, dear

when you walk the lonely road
wandering far, far from home
when you're feeling all alone
know i walked the same way before

i won't abuse you
won't accuse you
i won't refuse you
i was never meant to lose you

all that can never be attained
it's only pain
all that can never be contained
it's only pain
all that you cannot hear
soon, will become clear
looking within
until then
it's only pain, dear

Stranger

Wasn’t me
Wrapped chains around your wrists
Wasn’t me
Sent bullets into your home
It was me
Who didn’t see the sense in this
It was me
Stood up and said to leave you alone

I see your tears
Feel your anger
The answers you fear
They’re no stranger
To me

Wasn’t me
Set fire to your dreams
Wasn’t me
Marched with torches searching for you
It was me who
Cried each time you screamed
It was me who
Reached forever in vain, for you

I see your tears
Feel your anger
The answers you fear
They’re no stranger
To me

Wasn’t me
Who held you down
Wasn’t me
That looked the other way
It is me
cringes at the thought of the sound
It is me
Has only kind words to say

I cry your tears
Bleed with your anger
The answers you fear
You’re no stranger
To me
You're no stranger to me.

2007 Sandra Seigle

Spark

i'm looking for words
that won't get in the way
hard to find the right thing to say
looking for truth
we forget to look inside
the pulling force that won't be denied

and it's hard to write a love song without tears
hard to give in to change without falling victim to fear
but i'm tired of silence, tired of living in the dark
so i'm following your voice to find the spark

i'm looking for a sign
that's not laced with doubt
hard to find myself without
looking for you
to remember how to breathe
closer now so please don't fade on me

and it's hard to write a love song without tears
hard to give in to change without falling victim to fear
but i'm tired of silence, tired of living in the dark
so i'm following your voice to find the spark

and i already know
what it's like to lose you
can't be too afraid
of what you've already been through
and i'm so tired of being tired
wasted and uninspired
i'm done with hiding in the dark
so i'm following your voice to find the spark

Dark Today

time to let go
it's been too long to stay
how can you know
if you only turn away
ain't it dark today

too strong to cry
too weak to forget
too angry to fly
too hurt to regret
too full of pride to say
and it's so dark today

all the things that make us weep
pushed back on the shelf
too much of this to keep
only to myself
miles to go before i sleep
guess it's just as well

i'm reaching for horizons that don't exist
dreams that died with truth
looking back for the reasons i missed
growing old in my youth
this twisted nothingness inside
clings to the hatred in the need
these stolen sorrows in my mind
held on to so tight i bleed
all the angels i pushed away
and it's so dark today

silence looms
taunting with the fears i ignored
staring sraight into my own tomb
can't leave it unspoken anymore
the songbird sings
mirrored to a world of chaos and grief
i tried to show you the beautiful things
and somehow wound up being the thief
painted the world in shades of grey
and it's so dark today

Insanity

I wish that I could sleep
Free from these things inside my head
And the shadows that creep
With a hunger that cannot be fed

I wish that I could dream
Of bright summer days
I wish that I could scream
And someone would look my way

Tell me it’s insanity
Insanity, oh
Stagnant vanity
Demons untold
Tell me it’s insanity
Or just say it isn’t so

I wish that I could walk
Without this tingle in my spine
Or that I could unlock
A feeling only mine

I wish that I could cry
I could cry
Feel sorry for myself

Tell me it’s insanity
Insanity, oh
Or stagnant vanity
Demons untold
Tell me it’s insanity
Say it isn’t so

Everything You Believe

a little more cynical than you remember
it's a little darker than before
and I don't dance in the rain anymore
it's a little colder than before

but underneath
there's a little less doubt than you see
and in between
there's a little more feeling than I need
part possession, part obsession
one last bitter confession
underneath
I'm everything you believe

and even though
you don't want to see me
I'm still living through your eyes
I'd let it go
let it fade forever
but I can't bring myself even to try

but underneath
there's a little less doubt than you see
and in between
there's more feeling than I need
underneath
I'm everything you believe

Pardon Me

Pardon me
excuse me but I think I fell
I've mistaken
thought you were someone else
pardon me, I must have made a wrong turn
though every step I make
leads me to you
guess I followed the wrong bridges burned

something I learned early
gave you permission to hurt me
at no consequence to you
well excuse me for believing
in the dreams I found you grieving
pardon me for loving you

I apologize if I didn't say
what you wanted to hear from me
I'm sorry if my words didn't move you
but you asked for honesty
there's a million miles between us
excuse me for my inability to fly
there's a million lies that bind us
forgive me for not knowing why

but it's something I learned early
gave you permission to hurt me
at no consequence to you
well excuse me for believing
in the dreams I found you grieving
pardon me for loving you

and I'm sorry if I don't quite measure up
to the pedestal you built beneath me
I apologize if I fall every once in a while
but you said, you said you believed in me

so excuse me for believing
in the dreams I found you grieving
but I can only carry you so far
pardon me for my weakness
I stand as your only witness
I only long to be where you are
but you do what you have to do
so pardon me for loving you

World on Fire

aren't you tired
being the liar
in a world uninspired
in a world on fire

it's all coming undone
someone's shot down the sun
and we're all on the run
won't you reach out and touch anyone

but you hold yourself back
fear of the things that you lack
your voice under attack
know you can't take it back

and ain't it hard to take a stand
in a world beyond your command
hard enough to understand
cold frailty of man
point your finger toward fate
tell them you were betrayed
and that's what bred the hate
let it go, the hour is late

but you hold yourself back
fear of the things that you lack
but aren't you tired of being the liar
wasted and uninspired
in a world where living is desire
in a world on fire

Nothing Without

makes me think your heart is broken
the way you pretend to be numb
makes me wonder how much is left unspoken
the way you love to play dumb

I won't ask you any questions
so you won't have to lie
I won't offer suggestions
no need for an alibi

but I still see you, clear as day
and I still feel you, cold as rain
but I don't know how much longer I can live
with all that you take and the nothing you give
but despite all this doubt
you're my everything and I'm nothing without

Lie if you have to

find another word she said
I'm so tired of being afraid
write me a letter
explain to me how dreams are made

she said sing me a song
paint me a rainbow with words
make me forget every yesterday
convince me that my prayers were heard

speak to me in riddles
give me something to misconstrue
tell me that you love me
lie if you have to

well find another word she said
I'm so tired of being crazy
mix me up a magic potion
to make it all dark and hazy

and then speak to me in riddles
give me something to misconstrue
tell me that you love me
darlin lie if you have to

cause all that matters is now
I'm not looking to build a fortress
I don't want all the silk and glitter
only a place to wear my new dress

so find another word she said
I'm so tired of being strange
there's only a few hours left today
it's too late for me to try to change

speak to me in riddles
give me something to misconstrue
tell me that you love me
darlin lie if you have to
tell me that you love me
lie if you have to

Nevermind

I see through you like the crude pencil drawing that you are
draw your attention away and point to a falling star
you wouldn't understand
your heart's too kind
lend me your hand
nevermind.

you step up to the microphone and sing out of tune
you don't notice how you've cleared out the room
or do you
silly little mime, do you?
nevermind.

you stay silent and play dumb while the wheels in your head are turning
hide a book of matches while the bridges behind you are burning
you think you're so slick
spinning on a dime
but you're learning quick
so nevermind.

you set your cards on the table and pull an ace from your sleeve
lose a couple of rounds on purpose to plan ahead while you grieve
slight of hand
sometimes quicker than mind
but you're a simple man now
so nevermind.

Written In Stone

He said God I feel like hell today
My bones are achin and it looks like rain
But it's okay
It's all insanity anyway

He said God the world is cold today
Wish I could just roll all the dark clouds away
But what can I say
It's all vanity anyway

…but you…

I love you more than life itself
More than anything, or anybody else
I love you beyond all fear
You're never too far from home
You'll find that I'm always near
My love
And that's written in stone

he said little one, please don't cry
all those angels you see, falling from the sky
they're not letting go of heaven
they're only learning how to fly

…including you…

and I love you more than life itself
more than anything, or anybody else
I love you beyond all fear
You're never too far from home
You'll find that I'm always near
My child
And that's written in stone

And every once in a while when the sun shines bright
And you've just won a long, hard fight
I hope that you'll think of me
And if the world should come crashing down
And your faith disappears without a sound
God I hope that you'll still believe…

Do you remember the times we had together
They were few but they'll live forever
In your hearts my loves, in your hearts

I love you more than life itself
More than anything, or anybody else
I'll send a rainbow your way
And smile while you play
And give you comfort in the storms

My loves
And that's written in stone.

for Daddy
Beske, we will never forget.

Compas (Full Circle)

Sunless Earth, forbidden sky
Where was it along the way
I lost the will to fly

I heard you cry
Didn't know what to say
Just offered up a tired alibi

Did you hear me call your name
Out there in the dreams we shared
Or did you think I was throwing blame
That you were alone and no one cared

Awaits composure
The controlled aptitude for emotion
So unsure
of time's capacity for devotion
Insecurity - is it pure?
In isolation set into motion
Shame - I find myself alone again
In selflessness, fear let it go
And I mourn the loss of a friend
But pride won't let it show
Pride won't let it show.


sandra seigle

What You've Left Behind (Counted Sorrows)

I need silence
broken only by breath
I need change
just one moment without regret

and then the whole world crashes
wieght of counted sorrows
hope buried under miles of ashes
and we know that time, is only borrowed

and there's thunder in the distance
boiling under vain existence
and i'm prisoner to my mind
do you know, what you've left behind

and nothing moves me
more than your memory
it has the power to undo me
knowing things that can no longer be

and I watch my children play
how fast the time flies
there's got to be a better way
than living just to die

counted sorrows, the fear inside
do you know, what you've left behind